So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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