well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
