I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
PANTIES FOUND
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