after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
