Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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