we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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