just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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