have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
