So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
