you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
