I looked at my own cervix.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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