I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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