Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
