My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize