Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
