these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
