I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
