I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
