Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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