Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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