As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're a waste of cheezeits
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
