The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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