my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
