Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
