Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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