If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
