So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
