So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
