She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
