"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
