Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
