There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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