Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
