if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
