you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
