I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
