Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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