you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
