so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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