im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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