Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
