Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
