do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
