Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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