Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
