Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it hurts more in the daytime
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
