i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
