The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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