Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
