I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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