Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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