He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
