she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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