I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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