I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
