did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Small penises have feelings too.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
