if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dicks are not precious.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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