I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
