We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
