On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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