the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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