So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
