how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize