She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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