I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
