Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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