lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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