so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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