Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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