Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
