Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
