Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
