I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
