Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
