umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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