He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
