Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
