how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i think my cat just said my name.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
