well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
