Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
