I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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