whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
