i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
