True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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