and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
