I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
