In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
