I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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