I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
