Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I won the penis lottery.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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