theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
