So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
