You just made me feel so damn special
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
