He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
