its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
