I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Less talking, more tequila
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize