Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
