I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
