She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
