Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
