some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
