theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
