he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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