Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
