The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize