dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
