I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
