why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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