please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize