I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
