Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
