Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
