Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize